Author: Matt Keough

Quicken Loans and Ted Williams – high class or just crass?

This week’s Internet sensation is the story of Ted Williams, the man with a great announcer’s voice who was discovered when a video by the Columbus Dispatch went viral.

He is now on a whirlwind tour, appearing on just about every network morning show and soon to be on late night programs as well. It is entirely understandable why so many people are swept up in this story of hard times and redemption. I’ll admit getting a little misty-eyed when I saw him speaking about his gratitude to God that his estranged mother lived long enough to see him turn his life around.

Along with television and radio appearances, he is getting job offers. One of these job offers comes from Quicken Loans and the Cleveland Cavaliers (both owned  by Dan Gilbert). They made the offer very publicly, calling into a radio show.  They also offered a home to Mr. Williams.

Quicken Loans did some good, in my estimation by making this offer. But it has become tainted because they are now using twitter, tumblr and a new website to make a social media marketing campaign out of it. Believe me, I know about the positive returns of catching on with buzz and linkbait. However, it really seems a bit wicked to be so flippant as to boast about Fortune workplace ratings…..

Hopscotch courts……

and amuse yourselves with inside jokes….

When ostensibly engaged in an act of goodwill, isn’t a little crass to treat the intended beneficiary as a sideshow attraction? You can’t tell me that Quicken Loans and Dan Gilbert are not trying to get as much publicity as humanly possible as a result of this job offer. So I called them on it, directed to Dan Gilbert’s account on twitter.

And Kelly at Quicken Loans replied….

Reputation monitoring is wise for any corporation and kudos to Kelly for her quick reply. But do see what they did there? They managed to reinforce that they are building a viral marketing campaign around this website by citing the number of comments. Later in the day they boasted of more than 1,000 comments and solicited more.

None of this dissuades me from concluding that Quicken Loans and Dan Gilbert are trying to “make hay while the sun shines” on this story. Seems they are forgetting this story is not fiction. There is a real man involved here.  Ted Williams is more important (as a human being with intrinsic dignity) than your zeal to convince the world that Quicken Loans is a groovy place to work.

UPDATE!

Since they seem genuine (and I’m a Cavs fan)  I’ll give Kelly @QuickenLoans space to respond.

It’s my funeral

I’ve been meaning to write down my wishes for my funeral, but time never seems to allow. Since I’m trying to convince anyone who cares about this little blog that I’ve not abandoned it or you, dear reader, I will now kill two birds with one stone. What follows are instructions for my funeral.

  1. There will be no immediate canonization. I’ve been to funerals where it was literally stated by the priest that NAME is now in Heaven, waiting for us to join him. No. We can’t know this to be true. We can hope this is true. However, I’m asking you now for your fervent and continuous prayers for the repose of my soul and that I may be out of Purgatory as quickly as possible. Please have lots of Masses said for me.
  2. No “Eagles Wings”. Yoohoo! Please banish the guitars and the Haugen/Haas/Joncas monopoly for one day.
  3. No eulogy by my friends or family members. Please say nice things about me. But do it at the funeral home, the grave site or at the local pub. For that matter, make a Facebook group in my honor. However, I want my funeral Mass to be full-on about Salvation. If I was a nice guy, I’d love for y’all to hear about it. But my funeral is not the time nor the place.Incensed
  4. Smoke ’em if you got ’em. By this I mean I want incense to form a cloud visible on Doppler radar. To be frank, I feel a little cheated because I’ve not smelled nor seen incense at my parish except for one Mass this Advent and Christmas season.
    I want a man to smell his jacket a week later and say “Wow – They really laid it on thick at Keough’s funeral.”
  5. If at all possible have the altar servers dressed in cassock and surplus. I never cared for the little hoodies and rope belts look. It is fine for the Franciscans. My middle name is Francis, but I think the black and white look is more fitting for this occasion. (Update: I rescind this request. I don’t object to female altar servers and the alb is appropriate for both sexes to remind us of our baptismal white garment.  December 3, 2023)

These are simple requests, no? If these simple instructions are honored I promise not to haunt you to your dying days. Ok?

UPDATE: Monsignor Charles Pope has an excellent series on Funeral Foibles. I quote:

Thus instant promotions of the deceased to the upper realms of heaven are inappropriate. Rather, we give them to the Lord with our prayers, asking for a merciful and kindly judgment, and that any necessary purification be accomplished soon.  The prayers for, and comments about the deceased can include gratitude for their life and the gifts they brought, but ought never to fail to mention that they go to judgment and should not gloss over the need to pray for them, more than praise them.

That’s what I’m talkin’ about!

Image courtesy of jdbradly

My fake but accurate animation

Back in the Dan Rather Memogate days, it was acknowledged that the actual documents presented in the CBS report were forgeries but they represented something believed to be true by the source. The phrase “Fake But Accurate” entered into our lexicon.

Because CBS is still considered a shining example of journalistic integrity…I typed that with a straight face…I think I can have a clear conscience when I present the following animated re-enactment. This event didn’t actually happen. But it accurately reflects a conversation that could happen at anytime. On a tennis court.

I still think it is festive

There is an annual Christmas event we attend at the Lake Farmpark called Country Lights. The best part for the kids is a Santa’s Workshop where volunteer elves help the children make wooden toys. This year we brought home a penguin, a pirate ship, a jet plane and an angel fish. I’m certain that they call it a generic angel fish rather than Nemo to avoid the licensing fees and possible cease and desist. But we all know it is Nemo.

The highlight for me is a ride in a wagon pulled by a team of two draft horses. The circuit is festooned with lights representing holiday and fairy tale scenes. This year there was a gentle snowfall to add to the Currier and Ives vibe. We also had a wagon to ourselves, which allowed us the have a Christmas sing-along. Our singing couldn’t have been to bad. The horses didn’t bolt.

I thought I would get in the Christmas spirit and wear one of my snazzier ties. It is covered in baseballs wearing Santa hats. Fun, right? I showed it to my seven-year-old. He loves baseball, so I thought he would love my tie. Not so much, it tuns out.

That 15 Guitarists meme

I usually don’t cross post from Facebook (or anywhere, really) to my little blog. But this exercise seemed to bring out some things that might be interesting given my post a couple of days ago about Guitarists, Guitar Players and Guitar Owners.

I was tagged to name 15 Guitarists in 15 minutes. Here is my list:

  1. Les Paul – had a record of his with Mary Ford when I was a kid. My dad told me he was a pioneer and THEY NAMED A FREAKING GUITAR AFTER HIM
  2. Peter Buck – I had a major REM phase
  3. Django Reinhardt  – another pioneer and a cool name
  4. Pat Metheny – If for no other reason than “As Falls Wichita,So Falls Wichita Falls” is a great name for an album
  5. Joe Walsh “In the City” and ILBTS. Nuff Said
  6. Pete Townsend. OK – Pete is a bit of a head case, but the Who rocked. And his White City album was great too. And don’t forget “Let My Love Open The Door”
  7. Roy Clark – Hee Haw was on in the house when I was a kid. In retrospect, probably more for Gunilla Hutton than Roy. But all is well that ends well. And Gunilla…wow!
  8. Brad Paisley. Damn good player and a Browns fan.
  9. Ted Nugent – riff on Cat Scratch Fever was EPIC. He is really funny and a gun rights advocate.
  10. George Benson – smooth. I like smooth.
  11. Mark Knopfler – Money For Nothing. Brothers In Arms. Check out Local Hero and Screenplaying. (You are welcome in advance)
  12. Jim Mackey – Full Action Hose
  13. Mike Curry – Full Action Hose
  14. Rob Ervin – taught me the chords to Fisherman’s Blues. The first song I could play on the guitar
  15. Roger McGuinn – listen to Turn, Turn, Turn

Tell me who I missed in the comments.

It’s almost like I know Luke Skywalker or something

I love Twitter. Been on it for more than two years. Met nice people in real life because of it. But last Saturday I may have just peaked. Star Wars retweeted me.

Yes. The officially “Verified Account” @starwars acknowledged my existence in this galaxy by sharing my less than 140 character message. Click on the image to see the post and follow the link to the image of my boy. He loves Clone Wars, Santa Claus, and has a great imagination.

Rest in peace, Rapid Robert

News reports are just breaking that Bob Feller died tonight at age 92. Cleveland baseball fans may have grown accustomed to Mr. Feller always being around, sort of a reminder of when the Indians were an elite team. But I wonder if Clevelanders under a certain age really understood how legendary Feller might have been if he hadn’t given four years of  service to the U.S. Navy in World War II. From Wikipedia:

On December 8, 1941, Feller enlisted in the Navy, volunteering immediately for combat service, becoming the first Major League Baseball player to do so following the attack on Pearl Harbor on December 7. Feller served as Gun Captain aboard the USS Alabama, and missed four seasons during his service in World War II, being decorated with five campaign ribbons and eight battle stars. His bunk is marked on the Alabama at Battleship Memorial Park in Mobile, Alabama. Feller is the only Chief Petty Officer in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Just imagine what kind of records he could have held if he had not missed four seasons in the prime of his playing days.  He set an example of selfless sacrifice that I can’t imagine being duplicated from any top players in professional baseball today.

Mr. Feller had a reputation as being gruff and grumpy, but he earned the right to be his own man.  Anthony Castrovince, an excellent writer who had a chance to return to Iowa with Mr. Feller, shared his thoughts recently.

I’m glad my oldest son, a baseball fan of the highest degree, had the opportunity to meet him and shake his hand. It was obvious that Mr. Feller loved the game of baseball and was eager to share a moment with the boy. And, of course, we got an autograph. He was famous for signing autographs, so a Bob Feller autograph is not rare or particularly valuable. Men like Bob Feller are.

Palin versus Gosselin – A tale of two reality show ladies

All true friendliness begins with fire and food and drink and the recognition of rain or frost.
G. K. Chesterton What’s Wrong With the World

As it turns out, Chesterton couldn’t have been more correct, and the reverse proves his observation. Kate Gosselin appeared with her kids on Sarah Palin’s Alaska and showed that if you can’t get past the rain and frost and just enjoy a moose hot dog you can’t start a true friendship.

On last week’s show TLC pulled off pairing two of their more popular reality mommies and I dare say the more vilified of the two came off as the winner. You could argue that many people have said mean things about Kate Gosselin. Nobody in their right mind would say she’s been on the receiving end of more slurs and insults than Sarah Palin.

Perhaps it was creative editing to punch up the drama, but my word! I’d rather spend time with Sarah than Kate. To make my point, I’ve created this handy side-by-side comparison.

I guess I don’t NEED another guitar

I’m very lucky to work a growing company in Cleveland that throws fabulous parties to celebrate our milestones. Our holiday party this year was at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum. A cool place for a company party was made cooler by the fact that we had the run of the entire joint while we were there.

You might know that I love music and that I can sing a little, what you might not know is that I’m a guitar guy. It think it was Guitar Player magazine that once ranked the levels of guitarists. The top level is Guitarist. Just below that is Guitar Player. In the basement we have Guitar Owners.

I’m a guitar owner, and oddly enough the guitars I own are in the basement. I’ve got a Fender La Brea acoustic/electric and a Mexican Fender Telecaster. I know about five chords and have small calluses on my left hand. This still puts me in the Guitar Owner category, I reckon.

After visiting the Rock Hall, however, I’ve go the bug to get a 12 string, It is not all the R&RHoF&M fault, though. Before my recent visit I read a blog post that traced the Rickenbacker 12 string sound from the Beatles to the Byrds to the Gin Blossoms. It simply rocks. Add in the 6 string Rickenbacker that Peter Buck plays in R.E.M. and I really have a crush on that sound.

So if any of you out there have a Ricky collecting dust and you are in the bargaining mood let me know.