Humor – Page 5 – Matt Keough's Blog

Turducken Poem

This poem was originally posted at Stop Me When I Am Lying. I’m cross-posting here on the slight chance that anybody knows about this blog and not the other. I don’t know how you could make it through another Thanksgiving Day without this. By the way, I really do think that we need to remember who we are thanking on the fourth Thursday every November.

Don’t go huntin’ turducken
you won’t find such a bird.
There are no wild turducken,
the thought is just absurd.

There is no call to make,
no cluck, no gobble nor quack.
You can’t drop one from your blind
and put him in your sack.

But if you find turducken
on your festive plate.
Give thanks to God almighty,
your hunger He will sate.

Coke Zero or diet Pepsi MAX?

I’m out of my Diet Dr. Pepper phase. I now must decide between Coke Zero and diet Pepsi MAX. You may think my capitalization is out-of-whack. It is, but that is how it looks on the can. Who am I to contradict focus groups?

So far the nod has to go to Zero. DPM has so much caffeine, I act loopy. Reminds me of Jolt. Remember Jolt? It used to advertise “all the sugar and twice the caffeine”. The same slogan could have applied to the Matt & Rob Morning Show on WBGU-FM, also a product of the later half of the 1980’s.

Now That Hurts

I’m fond of Facebook. Sometimes, however, the error messages are unintentionally insulting. In the wee hours of a recent morning. (OK, just a little bit ago.) I checked to see if any of my friends were on. None were. But the message was unnecessarily harsh. Even if it is true!

Looking Like Movember

There exists somewhere in a family member or friend’s possession a picture of yours truly wearing long hair and a fuzzy mustache. If it is ever produced and published you can compare it with this awesome look. Click on the image for a closer look.

I grew the ‘stache for a good cause – Movember. The men in my office had a few laughs and our girlfriends and spouses were – uh- supportive in their own ways. I came in second in a very tight race for best mustache. I voted for the winner, he voted for me…but he edged me out by one vote. Remember this in the primaries. Every vote counts.

Looking Like A Reject From ‘Fame’

I was a member of the L.C. Singers as a Junior and Senior at Lake Catholic. I look back on those days fondly, but regret some of the choreography. So did the choreographers, as we gave several of them a very hard time. I have several stories from these days.

We would perform at various corporate events and banquets – most often around the holidays. At on such ‘gig’ (we were performers so we called them gigs) our snazzy uniforms were a nearly exact match as the waiters. As we approached the makeshift stage, a nice matronly type tugged on my friend’s sleeve and asked “Could we get some more roast beef, dear?” Without missing a beat (we were musicians, after all) my comrade said “Why of course!” I don’t know if she ever got more roast beef.

Looking Like Kid With a Complaint

It was probably 1973 or 1974. Easter, most likely. We were not inclined to such fancy duds just any Sunday. I was probably complaining about the tie. My oldest boy will whine “Oh maaaaaan!” when we tell him he has to do something he would rather not. Looking at this picture I fear I know where he gets it!

Looking Like A Choirboy

This was 1983 – I think. And it is fairly obvious I was in choir. I sang baritone that year.

More Pictures Coming

My big brother recently emailed a few pictures of me in my role as a minor league usher. I’ll post soon.

Looking Like Alfred E. Neuman

This is a side-by-side comparison. I’m the one on the right.

You can learn more about the guy on the left here. My brothers will appreciate this most of anyone. They remember me in second grade, when this picture was taken. They also read MAD.

Looking Like, Totally Eighties

This must be from about 1986 or 1987. The shadows make it look like I had a Kid ‘N Play. Not really. my hair casts a long shadow even when worn in a butch cut. I publish this for laughs, and to remind anyone of my generation just how cool we were when we combined the Wayfarers and the skinny tie. (Actually, they were cheap Wayfarer imitations.)