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I will not celebrate Memorial Day

American culture really has lost it’s way, I think. I saw an ad on cable TV for a local car dealership that advertised a big Memorial Day Sale. It was full of excited chatter, as we’ve come to expect from car dealers on cable TV. But this one went one beyond. It used “Celebration” by Kool and the Gang as the soundtrack. Great tune or wedding receptions and graduation parties. Totally inappropriate for anything remotely connected to the true meaning of Memorial Day.

This is why I despair. One or two people do not make a television commercial. Even low budget commercials have a whole team – writer, producer, editors, camera operators, a director and an audio guy. How is it that not ONE of these people paused to remind the others that “Celebration” is a horrible choice of music for a Memorial Day ad?

Memorial Day is meant to remember and honor the military men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice – the sacrifice of their life – in service of our nation. How can any adult think that this is akin to a celebration? Have we strayed so far from understanding what this day is intended to represent that we only think of a day off of work and picnics?

While I think giving thanks to veterans and those currently serving in the military is important and honorable, Memorial Day isn’t even the day set aside for this, Veteran’s Day and Armed Services Day fill this role.

Please take time time to really reflect on the true meaning of Memorial Day, even if the advertisers and the rest of the world tries to distract you.

My bucket list, and how you can help

I’ll be the first to acknowledge that I’m middle aged. This means that I’ve already squandered at least half my chances to check items off my bucket list. Actually more than that, several things on my list are unavailable to minors.

To keep it concise, here are some items I would like to cross off.

Ride in the Goodyear blimp. Goodyear is about to convert its fleet of blimps to dirigibles, so this is an urgent matter. I ask any of my friends with a direct line to Goodyear public relations the help me make this happen.
Skydive. This one is simple. But I’m a pretty large guy and have the little voice inside my head saying that the parachute couldn’t handle it.
Get a bad ass tattoo of St. Michael driving a sword through Satan’s head. I can’t decide if it would be in color or where I’d get it.
Travel to Ireland
Travel to the Vatican
Buy a nice bit of land somewhere in the country with a little cabin and some water to fish in.
Fly in a WWII fighter plane
Kick the winning field goal in the Super Bowl. (OK – that’s not going to happen, see next item)
See the Browns field goal kicker kick the winning field goal in the Super Bowl.
Hit the winning home run in the World Series. (Sigh -see the next item)
See the Indians win the World Series

So there you have it, the things I’d like to experience before departing this life. I don’t really expect my blog readers to help with any items other than #1. If you happen to be a member of the Cleveland Indians, the Cleveland Browns or a tattoo artist let’s talk.

Diversity is skin deep at the Plain Dealer

I was greeted this morning’s Plain Dealer with the above the fold headline “Ohio Gov. John Kasich’s 20 Cabinet appointments so far lack diversity”. The article was illustrated with the following graphic –

Guess what these people have in common…

They all come from the same part of the state? No.

They have all worked at the same company? No.

Their degrees are all in the same discipline from the same university? Try again!

They are all born-again Christians? Maybe, not likely, but that isn’t what was mentioned in the article.

The shocking truth – they are all WHITE PEOPLE!

The Cleveland Plain Dealer is the only major daily in a county that has seen shocking levels of corruption among its public servants. We’ve seen accusations and convictions for bribery, falsification, theft in office, taking envelopes stuffed with cash and accepting dates with chatty Vegas hookers.

Most of these activities never made into the paper until the warrants were served and the guys in the FBI windbreakers showed up and ruined everybody’s lunch hour. Having learned their lesson, the investigative reporters at the PD are now government watchdogs again!

My real objection to the premise of this article? Your skin color does not determine your skills, your view of the role of government in society, your favorite dessert, or even the content of your character. If you truly think that one’s race or ethnicity determines one’s qualifications, intelligence, or integrity it seems to me you are a bigot.

Monday is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. I’m very glad my kids are learning about the man and his ideals. I’m just sorry that we are still failing to live up to these ideals by judging people by the color of their skin.

Ohio Gov. John Kasich’s 20 Cabinet appointments so far lack diversity

The prodigal pipes

Since I blogged about this story yesterday, I want to share the video of Ted Williams’ (the homeless man with the pipes of gold) reunion with his mother. I know a friend of mine saw this and thought it was strange that his mother seemed to dwell on the disappointment and the shame she felt because the low state to which he had fallen.

What I’m reminded of is the parable of the prodigal son. The image of the embrace of a relieved parent and the troubled child reminds me of Rembrandt’s interpretation of the story. A man falling to his knees in gratitude upon returning home. He is also seeking forgiveness. The elderly parent is overwhelmed with joy, but still pained by the son’s actions.

I don’t think Ted Williams’ mother is harsh. I think she loves him and is pained by the trouble he has seen. She knows this may be one last chance for him to turn away from a life that might lead to losing him forever.

If you are one who is inclined to pray, it wouldn’t hurt to remember all who are fighting the demons Ted fights.

Quicken Loans and Ted Williams – high class or just crass?

This week’s Internet sensation is the story of Ted Williams, the man with a great announcer’s voice who was discovered when a video by the Columbus Dispatch went viral.

He is now on a whirlwind tour, appearing on just about every network morning show and soon to be on late night programs as well. It is entirely understandable why so many people are swept up in this story of hard times and redemption. I’ll admit getting a little misty-eyed when I saw him speaking about his gratitude to God that his estranged mother lived long enough to see him turn his life around.

Along with television and radio appearances, he is getting job offers. One of these job offers comes from Quicken Loans and the Cleveland Cavaliers (both owned by Dan Gilbert). They made the offer very publicly, calling into a radio show. They also offered a home to Mr. Williams.

Quicken Loans did some good, in my estimation by making this offer. But it has become tainted because they are now using twitter, tumblr and a new website to make a social media marketing campaign out of it. Believe me, I know about the positive returns of catching on with buzz and linkbait. However, it really seems a bit wicked to be so flippant as to boast about Fortune workplace ratings…..

Hopscotch courts……

and amuse yourselves with inside jokes….

When ostensibly engaged in an act of goodwill, isn’t a little crass to treat the intended beneficiary as a sideshow attraction? You can’t tell me that Quicken Loans and Dan Gilbert are not trying to get as much publicity as humanly possible as a result of this job offer. So I called them on it, directed to Dan Gilbert’s account on twitter.

And Kelly at Quicken Loans replied….

Reputation monitoring is wise for any corporation and kudos to Kelly for her quick reply. But do see what they did there? They managed to reinforce that they are building a viral marketing campaign around this website by citing the number of comments. Later in the day they boasted of more than 1,000 comments and solicited more.

None of this dissuades me from concluding that Quicken Loans and Dan Gilbert are trying to “make hay while the sun shines” on this story. Seems they are forgetting this story is not fiction. There is a real man involved here. Ted Williams is more important (as a human being with intrinsic dignity) than your zeal to convince the world that Quicken Loans is a groovy place to work.

UPDATE!

Since they seem genuine (and I’m a Cavs fan) I’ll give Kelly @QuickenLoans space to respond.

That 15 Guitarists meme

I usually don’t cross post from Facebook (or anywhere, really) to my little blog. But this exercise seemed to bring out some things that might be interesting given my post a couple of days ago about Guitarists, Guitar Players and Guitar Owners.

I was tagged to name 15 Guitarists in 15 minutes. Here is my list:

Les Paul – had a record of his with Mary Ford when I was a kid. My dad told me he was a pioneer and THEY NAMED A FREAKING GUITAR AFTER HIM
Peter Buck – I had a major REM phase
Django Reinhardt – another pioneer and a cool name
Pat Metheny – If for no other reason than “As Falls Wichita,So Falls Wichita Falls” is a great name for an album
Joe Walsh “In the City” and ILBTS. Nuff Said
Pete Townsend. OK – Pete is a bit of a head case, but the Who rocked. And his White City album was great too. And don’t forget “Let My Love Open The Door”
Roy Clark – Hee Haw was on in the house when I was a kid. In retrospect, probably more for Gunilla Hutton than Roy. But all is well that ends well. And Gunilla…wow!
Brad Paisley. Damn good player and a Browns fan.
Ted Nugent – riff on Cat Scratch Fever was EPIC. He is really funny and a gun rights advocate.
George Benson – smooth. I like smooth.
Mark Knopfler – Money For Nothing. Brothers In Arms. Check out Local Hero and Screenplaying. (You are welcome in advance)
Jim Mackey – Full Action Hose
Mike Curry – Full Action Hose
Rob Ervin – taught me the chords to Fisherman’s Blues. The first song I could play on the guitar
Roger McGuinn – listen to Turn, Turn, Turn

Tell me who I missed in the comments.

It’s almost like I know Luke Skywalker or something

I love Twitter. Been on it for more than two years. Met nice people in real life because of it. But last Saturday I may have just peaked. Star Wars retweeted me.

Yes. The officially “Verified Account” @starwars acknowledged my existence in this galaxy by sharing my less than 140 character message. Click on the image to see the post and follow the link to the image of my boy. He loves Clone Wars, Santa Claus, and has a great imagination.

Palin versus Gosselin – A tale of two reality show ladies

All true friendliness begins with fire and food and drink and the recognition of rain or frost.
G. K. Chesterton What’s Wrong With the World

As it turns out, Chesterton couldn’t have been more correct, and the reverse proves his observation. Kate Gosselin appeared with her kids on Sarah Palin’s Alaska and showed that if you can’t get past the rain and frost and just enjoy a moose hot dog you can’t start a true friendship.

On last week’s show TLC pulled off pairing two of their more popular reality mommies and I dare say the more vilified of the two came off as the winner. You could argue that many people have said mean things about Kate Gosselin. Nobody in their right mind would say she’s been on the receiving end of more slurs and insults than Sarah Palin.

Perhaps it was creative editing to punch up the drama, but my word! I’d rather spend time with Sarah than Kate. To make my point, I’ve created this handy side-by-side comparison.

My Muppet evolution

The strangest epiphanies strike me when I’m shaving. This morning I realized, looking in the mirror with soap on my face, that over the years I’ve changed. We all change, I know that. But I’ve changed in a very specific manner. I’ve changed which Muppet I feel represents me best.

Let us start this journey in high school. Yes, I realize that many youth would have forsaken any thoughts of the Muppets by high school. But not all. Particularly those in show choir. My show choir experience was nothing like Glee. We did not sing Aerosmith, or Van Halen. We sang Neil Diamond, Chicago, Beach Boys, show tunes. And – wait for it – a Muppets medley.

I sang the Kermit part in Rainbow Connection. Which was kind of fitting. At that age, I was innocent and naive and was a bit of a dreamer. One who might sit on lilly pad with a banjo, metaphorically.

I actually sang this song in a Kermit voice. In public. I thought it was a success because some of the cute girls raved how charming my performance was. Thrilled, I thought this might be the springboard to getting a date. Turns out the only reason a cute girl would kiss a frog is because she was looking for a prince. Princes rarely hang around show choir swamps with banjos.

Fast forward a few years. I decided that if nobody will take you seriously, you might as well be funny on purpose. I always liked hats, puns, and some have compared my hair to fur. Fozzie is my best match. Fozzie is affable enough and tries hard. However, he isn’t particularly successful as a comedian. But he always bears with it. Waka Woka Wocka! Side note, I’ve seen no standardized spelling for this phrase.

Little known fact; during this period I wrote spec scripts for sitcoms and quit my job to drive to California in an attempt to land an agent. Somewhere in Oklahoma, my writing partner told me there was a misunderstanding. He only took a vacation. We had to get back to Ohio in three weeks. As Fozzie would say, “AaaahHHHHhhh!”

Which brings us to the present day. Which Muppet can I say I relate to best? One who I suspect in the Muppet pantheon is not even a protagonist. My eyebrows have thickened, but I’m not old enough to be one of the old fellas in the balcony.

Sam the Eagle is my guy. I dig culture, morality and patriotism in a non-ironic way. And that puts me at odds with large segments of the popular culture. I’m also nearly convinced I may be surrounded by weirdos. But I like the weirdos that surround me!!!